'Missing' in Bangalore

BANGALORE: Despite Bangalore’s place on the global educational map, a large number of foreign students are finding it terribly unsafe to study in the city. According to Balaiya Ramsay, a senior police official and erstwhile drunkard, a lot of foreigners who come here to pursue their education often go missing and are never to be found again.

Gulping cheap vodka straight from the bottle, Balaiya said, “It is sad, but true. Just like that Medallica song.” At this point, from out of nowhere a kid, sporting an Iron Maiden T-shirt and several tattoos, lands in front of the camera and screams “Metal rules baby!”

After thumping the kid over the head with tripod, this website’s reporter queried Balaiya further on the matter.

When asked if he knew why Jason Newsted quit the band, the police official immediately quipped, “that is because he is white. And stupid. Bloody ungrateful asshole.”

“Dammit I will kill him; I will kill that white bastard.”

“I tell you, all white people should be killed. Spoiling namma Bengalaroo with their filth and money. They will go missing. I swear on my grandfather’s grave, I will make sure they all go missing,” he yelled, with veins popping out of his face.

After consuming whatever was left in the vodka bottle, Balaiya calmed down and slowly took his revolver out. Two minutes and a loud shattering noise later, Bangalore remained just as unsafe.